The Joy of Hurting

“Every work of art is an uncommitted crime.” Adorno, Minina.

We live our lives in a consistent relation to the good of the society, and are taught to go after all the things we want, our dreams, and our desires in life. Although, we remind ourselves the consequence that comes with doing something bad such as committing a crime, but why are so many people being hurt and killed by others? People always say “we want what we can’t have,” what if what we want is to commit a crime, or do something really bad, because they are things we as good citizens cannot do? But can we at least do it in our minds or imaginations? Often I share my thoughts about doing something evil to my friends, they look at me with shock horror, I just laugh it off saying it’s just a joke. I believe that imaginations and fantasies are not to be taken seriously, we can be whoever we want to be in our heads and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I raise the question, what is so wrong to be as imaginative as we possibly can, even if they are evil or seen as bad.


 

Everyone has an inner self, express that inner self through art and express your inner evil at the same. I propose, a way to find out who am I, and what I want to be, consciously and unconsciously. Through working on these ideas, I found myself asking why people don’t want to express themselves, their inner thoughts and imaginations, most importantly their inner evil.  We see that people all around us have shaped our lives, from the day we were born we acknowledge and recognises orders and rules. We follow them because we didn’t know any better, but why are most people still doing everything they are told to do, after they have the abilities to come out to the real world? This question is not normally being discussed, instead we hide from it, and ignore it. Modern lives are the models of old traditional dreams, generated by instructions that shape our lives that we know now. We see bankers having parents that were bankers, doctors, writers, and even artists etc. children follow their parents’ lives, to live a better life then they did. But is a better version of their life better or right for each of their children? People always say “everyone is different, let them be who they want to be” are we this hypocritical? We tell ourselves we are individuals but some of us still do what others tells them to do or copy what they do.


 

Everyone wants to be bad at some point of his or her life, because it is something they cannot be, or just won’t. They either know the consequences or that many things in life fulfils them, and there is no need to do evil, such as killing someone in order to fill that emptiness or a sense of being lost. But I would like to look at and hold on to this desire of wanting to act on an evil imposes, to explore things in a different way, and maybe a humorous one too.

October '07


This is My Place.....

My place is somewhere I feel quiet and peaceful, it is a dark forest with water beneath it. Big, tall and steady trees stands solid and evenly spaced from each other, in front of a pitch-black background space. I picture myself to be standing in front of this space, not entering it just looking at it. I am not sure if I’m just either questioning myself to be afraid of this space or am I being held back by something.


 

I started thinking what are the things that could be holding me back from a place I want to enter. What are all the obstacles in my life right now? The biggest frustration I have is towards the trains. Trains are the transportation I am using to get from the university and home, in order to get an education. I have to put up with the train being late all the time due to technical difficulties they have (so they say).  Often on the train waiting from 10mins to an hour and a half, makes me wonder what could possibly go wrong with the trains. I started to imagine situations and things that are wrong with the trains and train tracks.

“When a journey leads us to expand the boundaries of our identity to the point at which we include in the “we” what was previously simply “other” our journey is a return home.” this theory touched me and I applied to my frustrations and the idea of the things holding me back to enter my place. Through all the obstacles and problems in life, it shows my journey if life itself is a learning process and I see the frustrations towards the train is just one of the things I will have to live with till it is over, and through it I shall learn something from it and apply it to my life in the future.


 

Although I call the dark forest “my place”, I don’t see myself enter and walking through it, maybe because I am just not ready yet. For now I want to go through the journey of life itself, and create my own place, a place where I would feel safe and secure because I created it and I can call it “home”.

July '07